Battle for Vision

Have you ever fought a battle with something that seems to win over and over again, yet you continue to wage war with it? A lot of times it is something mundane or basic, yet it still tries to get your goat every time. I have. My battle is any body of water used for swimming vs. my contacts. It is a war every time.

I started wearing contacts my freshman year of college so I've had 7 years to refine my tactics. It usually goes something like this.

"Hey, let's go swimming."
"I'm down. Let me go get my swimsuit on."
5 minutes later.
"Canon Baaalllllllllll..."
SPLASH!!!
"Wait...Hold it...I can't find my contact. Where did it go? Can you see it in my eye? I think I may have lost it. I thought I closed my eyes, but I guess not. Maybe it's just shifted. I can only see with one eye now."

If you've ever worn contacts, then you know this feeling. Suddenly, within a blink of an eye (literally) you are blinded. Everything that you saw so clearly before has now become a blur and your entire world comes to a stop until you are able to find, replace, or restore your vision.

On this particular occasion, I was spending some time on the lake with some friends. We were out on the boat taking turns trying to knock each other off of the inner-tube in our very own King of the Hill game. We would bound back and forth between tubes trying to display our best impersonations of Indiana Jones, Lui Kang, and Spider Monkeys. It was a busy weekend as far as other boats being on the lake, so there were all kinds of waves knocking us around. At one of the sharp turns that our boat took, one of my friends and I both caught the wake of another boat that launched us 10 feet into the air. I immediately started laughing at the look on his face before I hit the peak of my ascent and then made my own face as we plummeted into the water, smacking against the surface and sinking several feet below. As we made our way to the surface, I noticed two things. First, the boat was leaving us in the water at a rapid pace. Second, I couldn't see out of my right eye. The first thing that went through my mind was that I didn't bring any extra contacts. The second thing that went through my mind was that I'm going to have some major headaches from blurred vision if I didn't find this contact. The third thing that went through my head was that the water got me again. Touche, water, touche.

After much blinking and rotating my eyes around to see if I could find it, I was finally able to locate it in the corner of my eye. Herein lies the predicament: I now have found my contact, however I am floating on top of a lake in my lifejacket with a wet contact sticking to my wet finger with no place to look into a mirror, no place to stand, and no way to tell if I've got it back in right.

For the next 5 minutes I unsuccessfully try to reinstall this eye device. In case you are wondering, because you've never worn contacts, it is extremely hard to get a contact off of a wet finger, especially while bobbing like a buoy. I am finally able to get the contact into my eye, but it is nowhere near being in place. I blink and I look one way and I look the other way and I blink some more. I close my eyes and circle them around my eyelids to try to get them in the right place. I even stick my finger back into my eye and try to force it to where it should go. Nothing works. I decide to get back in the boat and just Popeye it until we get back to the house and I can make it right.

As I swim to climb into the boat I blink one last time for good measure and suddenly everything is clear. I close my left eye to make sure that my mind isn't playing tricks on me and sure enough, my contact fell back into place. At just the last minute, when I didn't think I was going to be able to restore my vision, everything was clear again. I could see.

Thank you for playing, Water. That was quite the battle. You fought well. You knocked me down, but you didn't knock me out. Water = 0, Brody = 1.

So back to the tube pouncing I went.

I was proud. In fact, I still am. All of my fellow contact wearers in the boat also applauded my efforts noting that it was quite the feat to accomplish given the circumstances. That was my first time ever successfully putting in my contact while floating in the middle of a lake with wet fingers. I'm not sure if they have Guinness World Records for that, but I do believe that my performance would be noteworthy.
Vision...it's what makes the world go 'round. Sometimes you take advantage of it and fail to use it. Everything is blurry without it. If you don't have it, then you'll go nowhere. Vision is clear. Vision is bold. Vision brings insight to your life and the lives of those around you. Vision.

If you want to see how vision can really rock your world, read Acts 9.

You can do battle over and over again with your own vision, but until you allow God’s vision to align yours, blurriness is all you will see.

Less than 2 months

So...because someone mentioned this to me and I mentally slapped myself on the hand for not already having done this, I thought I would mention that I am getting married in less than 2 months. I also wanted to put a couple of pictures up just to show off how lucky of a man I am.

It's really incredible to be a part of this whole marriage concept and being able to recognize God's hand on everything to do with our relationship. I'm learning a lot and I've got a lot more left to learn, but man am I enjoying the ride.

Going Postal

The other day I was browsing in a local pawn shop when the bell indicating someone else had entered the store rang out. Usually, I wouldn't take too careful notice of who else was shopping with me, however this one caught my attention quickly.

It was a postal worker, decked out in full USPS attire (light blue shirt, dark blue shorts, black kicks). He walked straight to the back of the store, bypassing all electronics and collectibles, ending up in the gun section. I'm not opposed to guns, but somewhere along my childhood, the thought of mixing postal workers and weapons left a bad taste in my mouth.

You've heard of the concept, going postal, right? I shifted my whereabouts to something a little more protected (behind a shelf of DVDs) and I peered through the cracks to see what he was indeed doing. Turns out, he was carousing back and forth and looking at the different rifles on display. So I thought to myself..."this is so literal, it's ridiculous."

My father is a postal worker, so I know what they are capable of. So in my best interest, I decided that I didn't want to stick around to see if he bought a gun. I was better off far, far away. I put my selections back on the shelf and slipped out the front door.

I smile and wave at my postal worker more now...even when he puts my mail in the wrong box.

In related news, the cost of a stamp went up to $.42 today. I think I'm going to call my dad and chastise him for this absurd scalping of the American people.

They just don't make things like they used to

My sophomore year in college, one of my roommates bought a roll of trash bags. When he got home, it turned out that the bags were too small for the trash can...

So what did we do? The only logical thing...we sawed the trash can down to size...now they'll fit.

So we used those bags...and used them...and used them. Turns out this roll of trash bags was like a cage of rabbits, because the more we used, the more there were. The bags kept coming and coming...it must have been some 500 bags or something.

When we all graduated college and went our separate ways, each of the roommates left certain things behind for whoever wanted them. Since one of the guys got married, another moved to NYC, and the other worked camp all summer...most of those "leave behinds" fell to me. That roll of trash bags was one of them. The gift that keeps on giving.

I've still been using those bags ever since. The roll of trash bags has been getting smaller and smaller and the feeling of sadness had been creeping up on me, like when you are coming towards the end of a good book or when you are on the john and it doesn't appear like there is going to be enough roll to take care of the wipeage. I could sense the end.

Tonight it happened. They are no more. They served me well. The longevity was outstanding (approx. 5 years) and the durability was uncontested. It was everything a roll of trash bags was meant to be. Those trash bags will forever be ingrained in my mind as the best there ever was.

So in honor of said bags, I present this memorial...in haiku form

Oh, endless trash bags
Containing all of my waste
You finished the drill

Peanut Butter & Bacon

Yesterday, I ate a Peanut Butter and Bacon Burger. That's right, I said a PB & B Burger. Maybe you've had one too. They sell them at Clocked, in Athens. A few friends had informed me that this was a good choice, so I thought I'd try it out.

Trisha and I met up with a few friends and took part in this local delicacy. I was a little nervous at first, not because I am a picky eater, but because the idea of burgers and peanut butter wasn't something that jumped out to me. But those doubts were soon diminished...

It was incredible. It was a sensation that's hard to put into words, but I can tell you this: Eat one. It's called YAC's Peanut Butter and Bacon Burger. It's like dinner and dessert all wrapped up into one...and that makes things easy...and I like easy.

Not to mention, Clocked has the best tater tots I've ever eaten in my life.

So I know this sounds like some sort of review, or atleast plug, for Clocked. But in reality, I just felt like you should know.

And now I want another one...with Tots.

Oreoed

I got oreoed. What's that, you ask? It's where some culprits decide to buy some Oreo Cookies, split them in half, lick either side of the icing, then stick the cookie, cream side down, to the window of the car. So there you have it; I got Oreoed.

I came out late that Saturday night and saw that there was some serious nastiness all over my car. The next day, I found out who did it and that they used approximately 10 packages of Oreos. If you know me, then you can probably guess that I wasn’t really mad about having oreos all over my car. I was more upset that they would waste 10 packages of Oreos when I know that by myself I could have eaten at least 5 of those packages...shameful.

I drove to church that Sunday night with all 360 of those oreos still stuck to my windows. About 36 of them flew off and scattered all over the road between my house and the church. However, most of them were stuck pretty good, though. When I got to church, I told all of the 2nd through 5th graders that if they wanted cookies, they needed to go out and get them off my car. I was partly kidding. They, however, screamed and ran outside. I came out and saw about 7 kids hanging on my car and eating the oreos off of it...I probably should have stopped them...but I just didn't.

When I left church that night I went home and took a spatula to my windows to remove all of the cookies. They all came off and I threw them away. I rinsed the car off, patted myself on the back for taking it so well, then went to sleep. The next day on my way to school was one of the most blurry eyed drives I’ve ever taken. Each and everyone of those cookies left their icing residue firmly stuck to every inch of my windows. It was like my vision suddenly went from 20/20 to near blind. For one part of my morning commute, when the sun was shining straight through my front windshield, I literally had to stick my head out the window to see where I was going. After work that day, I finally took my car to the car wash and actually removed all ofthe junk that was blurring my vision.

You know, that whole ordeal is a lot like sin in our lives. We get this stuff, this sin, stuck in our lives. And we let it build up. And more often than not we don’t really take notice until it has gotten out of hand. Then we finally realize, “Hey, I should do something about this.” So we take our spatula of quick prayers and sunday sermons, we pat ourselves on the back and assume all is well. Yet we wake up day after day and there is this blurriness cast over our eyes and everything we do has this cream-filled taint to it, this coat of icing.

The truth of the matter is until you really clean it, and by really clean it, I mean really ask God for forgiveness and sincerely seek to make matters right and pure, then you will carry this coat of icing. But when you do ask God to clean you, there is this clarity and vision that helps you to really see life as it really is.

I pray that you get de-oreoed. My prayer is that whatever nastiness is giving you blurred vision, that you ask God to completely remove it and give you a new and clear vision for your life.

That's what I desire...
That and a glass of milk.

What's in a Name?

I got an invitation the other day for a shower...

It was addressed to:
Brodie Beerdan

What if...?
Fonetix are fun

iPod Touche

Well...I figured after I went off on how great Macs are that I should counter that with my latest experience in Macland.

I bought an iPod Touch a few weeks ago. It was a tough decision because they are pretty stinking expensive. I stood in front of the display counter at Target for well over 45 minutes debating both vocally and internally. I talked with my fiance. I called my roommate. I had a lengthy conversation with the electronics department guy. I asked a random lady who was looking for headphones and I would have asked her baby, but she seemed to be busy regurgitating.

I weighed the options (the cost, the size of space, the capabilities, the return policy)...and decided to pick between the Touch and the iPod Classic. I chose the 32gb iPod Touch.

Three weeks later I take it back. Why, you ask? It just didn't cut it for me. I guess I was looking for something more. Sure, there was some aesthetic appeal to it, but overall, it was a waste of money for me. (Touche Apple, you duped me into this one...luckily customer service wins over and I get a refund). So I went back to Target (because the electronics department guy assured me that I could).

I walked to the service department and met Pat. If you've been to Target, then you've seen him. He's always chipper and good at what he does. I've never been to Target when he wasn't there. I walked up and gave him my iPod.

"I'm sorry, we don't accept returns on Zunes"
"Well...it's an iPod," I replied.
"I'm kidding. You should have known when I called it a Zune."
"Yes, I suppose you are correct. You got me."

He then opens the box and when he does, I stand there distraught as the Touch plummets from the box onto the counter at rapid speed and descent. I think to myself, "You had better take it back now." He then proceeds to get on the radio to see what he needs to do with the iPod. As he turns to pirouette ( I suppose this is what he did, because I'm not sure why else he made that move, but it was definitely balletesque)...when he does turn, he slings to iPod out of its box again, this time falling all the way to the floor and sliding several feet from it's landing spot. I can only describe the awful sensation of hearing it slide across the floor as the same feeling I get when I think about someone tripping on asphalt and skinning his hands and knees from the fall. (I just got a shiver thinking about it).

All that to say...when I get another iPod, it will not be a touch. And if you are thinking about getting one, then I would suggest that you definitely not get an opened box one at Target. It's been dribbled across the customer service floor.

Mac Stuff

When I graduated college, my parents bought me a Mac Mini. I was hooked. I had dabbled in the world of Mac a time or two and fallen victim to the iPod craze 2 years before when I got my 3G 20gb black and white, but it was at this moment...when I had my very own Macintosh computer that I realized my love for the product.

I do a lot of video editing and it just makes things so simple, so the Mac and Me were just a natural fit...kind of like Alf and the Tanner family. (What a great show)

In recent months, I've really been exploring the Mac World for good programs. I consider myself to be pretty computer literate, however, I do not have the know how to write my own programs...so naturally I look for all the nice programs other people write in true Mac design and flavor.

This past fall, I came across MacHeist. It is this website where apparently a group of people got together and decided to run this advertisement deal where they group together a bunch of sweet programs for the Mac from a bunch of different companies and offer them for a ridiculously low price. This last go round I paid $49 for 13 programs that retailed at about $500. Pretty good if you ask me. With it, I was able to acquire:

Pixelmator - a photoshop-like program ( I like it better)
Cha Ching - pretty to look at and effecient banking program
1Password - to keep all the passwords safe...and remembered
Awaken - alarm clock that really uses the Mac's uniqueness
Snapz Pro X - records any movement on the screen...(think instructional videos)
...and a bunch of other programs that have been great and helpful.

The coolest part...and maybe the geekiest part...is that to get free programs and discounts on the already low price, you can complete missions where they send you sleuthing all over the internet solving this pretty intense puzzle...

All of that to say...you know...Mac's are great. I hope you have one. If you don't, I hope you want one. And if you are looking for some efficient programs for your Mac, then check this stuff out over at MacHeist. And if you decide you want to try out this ooey batch of goodness, then you should definitely use me as your referral. Shameless self promotion? (Maybe) Worth it? (Yes)

Onesie

For the longest time I've wanted a nice bathrobe. One resembling a soft towel wrapped in downy freshness. However, several months ago my desires changed to something a little different, in my opinion, something even better. It is also something that you've probably had at one time in your life. It's called a onesie.

Most people consider these only for infants, but I submit that they are not. People across the world, young and old, should have the privilege of wearing something so blissful. Basically what we are talking about here is something that covers you from neck to foot with no room for error. There are front pockets, a zipper for easy entrance, and a trap door just in case you need to do the unthinkable without removing these threads of warmy goodness.

You may recall an episode of Family Guy where Peter goes to the store to buy a new suit and finds a Onesie hanging on the rack instead. He then proceeds to tell the salesman to write down any number on a sheet of paper and Peter will pay that price for that onesie.

I feel the same way.

Now, I submit to you my dream come true.

McGee and Me

I was watching TV with my roommate today and when scrolling through the channels, it just so happened that McGee and Me was on the Trinity Broadcasting Network.

"Sweet," I said to myself. I don't make it a habit of watching TBN, but that sparked my interest, so we parked it there for awhile. My roommate had never experienced the pure genius that is McGee and Me.
"What's it about," he asked?
"Um, well there this kid and he does stuff..." I thought some more, "and he talks to a cartoon character named Magee."
"Oh," he responded. "Sounds awesome."

I brushed off his sarcasm and we watched the last few minutes of an episode called, The Big Lie. In those few minutes, we successfully witnessed a slow motion running scene, a token Native American, and the essential "Feel Good Moment" of the episode. Seeing as how the whole McGee and Me series was the video of choice in my church growing up, it took me back to the good old days of butter cookies and juice boxes. We'd always pop one of those videos in and and watch it whenever the teacher really had nothing else to teach us. Not that our teachers were lazy, but sometimes convenience wins over.

For those that don't know, here's the tagline for McGee and Me:

Welcome to the world of Nicholas, a completely normal kid who finds himself in some not-so-normal situations. Fortunately, Nicholas and his cartoon buddy, McGee, always seem to learn a valuable lesson from their adventures.

Valuable lessons...I do love those. And as far as normal goes...not so sure about how a kid that talks to an imaginary cartoon character ranks on the normal scale...I'd say not very high.

Out of curiousity, I looked around to see what the actor that played Nick in the series was up to. Here's what the McGee and Me website had to say:

The concept of Now and Then pictures make laugh...and second guess, too. So I did a little search for Joe Dammann and his Friendster profile came up the first thing...looks like he doesn't do kids' christian programming anymore, but prefers teaching his niece dirty words.

Mountainsmith

A few years ago I was awakened to the concept of an all-purpose bag. It was my former roommate, the one and only Altmix (now Mr. Altmix), that opened my eyes to this dreamworld. He used to carry this bag (or one like it...I think it was a Tour) with him everywhere and it was so appealing due to the nature of it's simplicity, yet efficiency. The idea that you could have a bag that held everything in an organized manner, looked nice, and was heavenly in the ways of comfort was foreign to me, but that was soon to change. I wanted a Mountainsmith bag, too.

So I surveyed the options and decided on the one that would suit me best, the Cairn II. It was unobtrusive, had plenty of storage space with two large compartments, it had a hydration pack, two inside smaller pouches for pens and coins and such, it had a place for an mp3 player, two pouches for Nalgene like bottles, a place to strap a jacket to the bag, and a hide-away rain jacket for the bag itself. In every situation, this was the bag for me.

I am a youth minister, which means that I usually have a lot of crap that I need to keep with me...books, computer, birth certificates, consent forms, extra water, beenie weenies, firecrackers, music, entertainment, bibles...the works. This bag was perfect in every way. And I used to for everything. If you saw me, more than likely I had this pack with me. It weathered through many a storms due to it's impeccable workmanship and multipurpose use...

The reason I bring this up is because it was stolen back at the beginning of February when my car was broken into. Thus, I have been two months without my bag of many treasures. However, I do have a praise. Today in the mail, I received a new Mountainsmith Cairn II bag from our good friends at MooseJaw. It was hard to track down and I had to get a new color because they don't sell the Cairn II anymore, but nonetheless, I look forward to many memories with my new bag.

May my old Cairn II rest in peace...or pieces...whichever the case may be.

Going to the Restroom

I started substitute teaching again on Tuesday. It's a long term sub, so I'll be there for about 6 weeks while this lady deals with all of her baby shenanigans...apparently, once you have a baby, you are allowed to be lazy for 42 days...I should have a baby...

In the mean time, while I was getting to know the class on Tuesday, one of the students looks at me and says...

"Mr. Bearden, I can go to the baphroom?"
"The what?" I respond.
"The baphroom."
"Can you spell that for me?"
"B-A-F-F-R-O-O-M."
"Well," I nodded, "then absolutely yes, you may go to the bathroom."

Shipoopi

Trisha, Lyndsey, and I went and saw a play tonight that one of my youth was in. The play was called, The Music Man. The general plot is about a traveling salesman that goes from town to town selling things that he really doesn't have.

In the second act, there is a song that caught me off guard. It's called, Shipoopi.

I giggled for the duration of it. Not necessarily because it is a funny song, but because the word itself...shipoopi...I mean seriously, see if you can make that word come up in conversation 3 times today. I dare you to try.

I'm not quite sure what it means, so I can't really use it in a sentence for you, but here is the 1st verse and chorus, so use the context clues to figure out what it means:

Well, a woman who'll kiss on the very first date
Is usually a hussy
And a woman who'll kiss on the second time out
Is anything but fussy
But a woman who'll wait till the third time around
Head in the clouds, feet on the ground
She's the girl he's glad he's found
She's his Shipoopi

Shipoopi! Shipoopi! Shipoopi!
The girl who's hard to get!
Shipoopi. Shipoopi. Shipoopi
But you can win her yet.

So after listening to the song, I began to think that I'd heard it somewhere before.
Turns out it was on an episode of Family Guy, called Patriots Games. Here's the clip.

I hope your day was brightened by this word.
I also hope you don't shipoopi your pants.

Focus

I've never had a problem focusing. Doesn't really matter what it is, I'm pretty good about paying attention to the task at hand. In a classroom, I am alert and aware...in the car, I am alert and aware. However, I've found over the past few months that I'm beginning to develop what we've noted in my dad as "Adult Attention Deficit Disorder."

My dad loves starting little projects around the house...building a dog house, growing a garden, building a barn, or making wooden model airplanes. He always has a million projects going on...but he never finishes them. He starts them strong, then tails off at the end. Not necessarily the worst thing, but definitely the least efficient. I'm seeing the same trend in me...

I have a hundred different projects going on...and I keep adding new ones, rather than finishing the old ones.

I need one of these:

Fantasy Baseball

More than ever, I was excited about our fantasy baseball draft this year. I'll try to explain it to you, but you'll never understand.

You see, there are 12 guys in our league...12 dedicated, passionate, trash-talking, stat-crunching, baseball-loving, spend all your time on fantasy guys in our league...and because of these men, it makes for the best 6 months of the year.

Without further adieu, here is my team:
C - Bengie Molina/J.R. Towles
1B - Todd Helton/James Loney
2B - Ian Kinsler/Orlando Hudson
3B - Ryan Braun
SS - Derek Jeter
OF - Carlos Lee/Jason Bay/Curtis Granderson
Bench - Aaron Rowand/Matt Diaz/Rick Ankiel
SP - Justin Verlander/Tim Linecum/Javier Vazquez/Jeff Francis
RP - Manny Corpas/Kevin Gregg/George Sherrill
Bench - Dontrelle Willis/Shaun Marcum/Jon Garland

Here's to many days of wasted hours spent on Fantasy Baseball...

If you have 6 months to spare...
then go here to Yahoo and get in a league...
it won't be as good as mine, but it's a start

Videography

In college I was classmates with a guy who's dad cleaned 55 gallon barrels. When he told me this, I immediately pictured someone in overalls and a mullet leaning over the side of a barrel with a sponge in one hand, a hose in the other, and a bottle of Dawn dish detergent turned on its side spilling onto the ground. Upon further explanation, it turns out that this is a pretty big business. I mean, I assume I knew that people needed to get their barrel's cleaned...apparently this was the guy to do it...and he made a pretty good living at it.

Over the years I've found that there are a lot of niches in this world that people need filled. I haven't found all of them, but I've seen a lot. Cleaning barrels is one of them. There are jobs out there that no one thinks of...until they need it. It is because of this fact that I believe shows like Dirty Jobs are fascinating and captivate audiences.

Which brings me to my point. I enjoy videography and over the years I've grown in my knowledge and approach to it. I've been able to shoot weddings and film other videos for people in need that have turned out to be pretty quality productions. Now trying to find my own niche, I've started doing a lot of Wedding Videography for people. It's something that I like to do to help the bride and groom capture the day so they can live it over and over again. That being said...if you are getting hitched...give me a call...